Menopause can be a challenging phase in life, not just for women but for their partners too. Sleep disruptions are one of the most common changes in the early stages of menopause, often leading to a couples decision to sleep in separate beds, what some have colloquially called sleep divorces.

While this arrangement may solve some sleep issues, it can also create emotional distance between partners. To make matters worse, many men don’t fully understand menopause or how it impacts their partner’s well-being.

What Is Sleep Divorce?

"Sleep divorce" refers to the decision couples make to sleep separately in order to maintain better sleep quality. While this may sound drastic, it's a relatively common solution, especially when one partner’s sleep is constantly interrupted by the other’s restlessness, bodily heat or cold needs, or discomfort. During menopause, many women experience night sweats, hot flashes, insomnia, or restlessness, all of which can make sharing a bed difficult.

Men’s Complaints About Menopause

Some men find themselves waking up multiple times a night and may be confused or unsure of how to help. Misunderstandings can arise, especially if partners don’t fully grasp what menopause entails. For instance, some may think that symptoms like hot flashes, irritability, or reduced libido are simply “moods” or “complaints,” rather than real physical changes.

Without the proper understanding, this disconnect can unintentionally create distance. In some cases, men may feel that these symptoms disrupt intimacy, but this is often due to a lack of information and understanding rather than a lack of connection.

Bridging the Knowledge Gap: Improving Understanding Between Partners

This time of transition is best managed as a shared journey. Encouraging open, judgment-free conversations can help couples feel like they’re tackling menopause together, strengthening the relationship rather than allowing it to drift. Closing the knowledge gap between women and their male partners is crucial for maintaining a strong relationship during menopause.

Men who take the time to educate themselves about menopause—learning about the symptoms, causes, and long-term effects—can better understand what their partners are going through. But where can they turn for education?

Healthcare institutions do a poor job of educating women, let alone men, about menopause. After all, that’s why you’re here.

Many men admit to learning about menopause through experience rather than education, which can leave women feeling misunderstood and unsupported. When men take the time to learn about the symptoms, duration, and effects of menopause, they can better understand what their partners are experiencing.

For instance, some men may see menopause as merely a "natural process" or "short phase" that doesn’t require much attention, while others may view it as a disease. These misunderstandings can make men less empathetic or even dismissive of their partner’s physical and emotional struggles.

When men are informed, the family unit can support the decisions you make, and you aren’t left alone to deal with the complexities of menopause.

Conclusion

Sleep divorce can be a practical solution to the sleep challenges menopause can bring, but it doesn’t have to mean the end of closeness. By fostering a shared understanding and acknowledging menopause as a journey for both partners, couples can remain emotionally connected, even if physically apart during the night.

But if sleep divorce is a step too far, improving your own sleeping environment is a great first step. Many women who suffer from vasomotor symptoms like hot flashes and night sweats have found relief with our Terra nighttime cooling device. Terra detects a hot flash before it happens and adjusts your sleep temperature to keep you dreaming and comfortable, so your waking hours are free of the side effects of poor sleep.

Resources

https://www.erkenmenopoz.com/konu/dosyalar/menopoz_makale_ozetleri/ocak2020_3.pdf